Sometimes I think the greatest healings are facilitated through the acknowledgment of another persons pain. I am turned off by the new age attitude that there is something unenlightened about a person who hasn't gotten over their painful experiences by the quick fix, half-truth answers such as “It's gods will.” “Be more positive”,”You have to let go” “ You have to forgive.” “Everyone has problems,”etc.
Healing is a process and people need permission from those who love them and others who support them to take as long as they need. They need permission to feel whatever feelings they have without judgment. There isn't a time table on the human spirit or the way it processes it's experiences. It's not what happens to a person that has the greatest impact on them; it's how they perceive what happens to them. Their pain IS as great as they perceive it to be and not as others think it is. It is their world they are experiencing; not ours. The best way to alienate a person is to discount their pain when they are trying to express it. Whether they are 8 or 108, it will earn you the honest answer of,”You don't understand.”
People do not ….can not “let go” for reasons. There are reasons people can not forgive. There are reasons people do not “move on” or “get over it.” Such reasons must be honestly dealt with and not swept under the rug. Not everyone knows how to get from a painful place in their life to a state of healing. It's not as easy as clicking your ruby red slippers together and uttering some positive, happy slogan. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with them or they are less evolved because they are having a difficult time knowing how to deal with whatever they are going through. WHEN people heal something magical happens. They freely let go of things because they don't need to hold onto them any more; not because we tell them they need to let go. They freely forgive because they are now capable; not because it's something they have to do in order to heal. They suddenly become more positive because they have learned how to get through the darkness.
There are also those poor souls that never fully get over something as devastating as the death of a child or some life altering experience. A lifetime may not be long enough. Ya know what? It's ok. It's ok for them to hurt and to be down. It's ok for them to have bad days. It's ok for their hearts to break over and over. They may need to sit with that pain for a while until it passes and they are able to come back to us.
I don't think there is any greater honor than when another person pours their soul out to you and they allow you to sit with them in the silence of their grief. Many of them don't want answers as much as they desire to be witnessed by another human being. They need someone to wait with them....to be there...someone who won't turn away. I am reminded of Jesus words. "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay with me, remain here with me, watch and pray, watch and pray.”
You have written my exact sentiments...one of the most meaningful, sensible write-ups i've read in a long time.
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You have written very true words here. Certainly by one who has experienced pain. And loss. Life itself is loss. The attitude of this present "new age" with pithy superficial slogans and cute graphics are all too present as an attempt to get the "quick fix" on pain, and not let it run its course. Each individual has different levels and thresholds of accepting and dealing with pain. The attempt to the quick fix degrades our own personal humanity to one another. It also disturbingly shows the lack of empathy and compassion so presently rampant amongst human beings. We can also take this issue of pain back to when Jesus Christ was on the cross. The pain had to be beyond human comprehension. Who was there to witness this? To comfort Jesus in His pain? Only His mother and John. Where were the rest of his disciples who witnessed miracles and saw Him raise dead people? Human beings are a frail species beset with fear. It all comes down to one word: Love. I am talking about human Agape Love here, the high form of love.You will be there when another has great pain. Either at the hour of their death or at another time not as such. Or, during the process of death, which fear can bring forth great pain. Love is patient and knows no time and cuts through pain, at least in my cases it has been a vital "thing" to express - at a certainly when pain and/or grief are overwhelming a person. These are my few comments on your well-written piece.
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